10 things your boyfriend probably thinks about your makeup
Your boyfriend is probably lovely and probably sometimes cooks you lasagne and buys you Lemsip when you're sick.
But he probably also has no real comprehension of the depth and strength of your love for MAC. And this is what he thinks of your makeup addiction…
10. Your lipstick is there to ruin his day
You think: my new matte red lip looks BANGING and matches my outfit and makes my teeth look white and I AM SO HOT. He thinks: She is not going to snog me while that is on her mouth, why does she not want to snog me, aargh, life is so hard.
9. You have way too much of it
His toiletries consist of: a razor, toothpaste, a toothbrush and deodorant. And a cologne, if his grandmother loves him. So when he looks at your dresser and sees an array of possibly 50 lipsticks, together with a myriad of other mysterious bottles and tubes, he's probably judging you. But quietly. Because he knows what's good for him
8. You look better without it
Chances are, this is because he's never actually SEEN you without it. But, if he has, then he's looking at you through the lens of love, which obscures pimples and dark shadows and blackheads because, sex.
7. Mascara goes on your cheeks
A brief but rigorous survey of the men in the office found that many of them did NOT know that mascara was for the eyelashes, and thought it was the stuff we smeared on our cheeks for a rosy glow. Why so wrong, boys? Why so dumb?
6. It's more trouble than it's worth
It makes you late. It makes you poor. It makes you unwilling to mash faces. What he doesn't realise is that it's part of what makes you, you. He thinks that's down to your sparkling personality. Eedjit.
5. Your blue lipstick is a practical joke he doesn't understand
Why do you want to look like you are dead. He does not know. He does not know anything.
4. Cat-eye eyeliner is not as difficult as you say it is
But he has not tried to draw intricately on his own eyelids while he is drunk. Has he. Or has he? We don't know your life.
3. The amount of time you spend in the bathroom would be better spent in the bedroom.
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But boys never stop thinking about… bedrooms, so he would think this even if you were spending the time curing cancer or nursing sick owlets back to health.
2. All conditioner is created equal
It isn't. Some of it is created much much more expensive.
1. It's all just proof that you are a weak-willed woman who can be sucked in by advertising
Yeah, but look at his fecking pores. Gross.